NSFW Warning: The following blog post is intended for mature audience 18+ only. Viewer discretion is advised

[Note, novel ahead. If you wish to skip my personal story and get to the gist of this message, please scroll through to the bottom ❤️ ]

I’ve always been a sensual person, and ultimately a very sexual one.

My relationship with my sexuality has been prominent since the dawn of time.

The bulk of my adolescence was essentially trying to hide this part of myself.

I had zero confusion on sexuality itself, only other’s interpretation of it and the labels that would get slapped on me had people figured out how libidinous I was.

The first time I discovered my pleasure, I was a small child. I had no idea what on earth I was doing, only that it felt good. This was what I referred to as “The Good Feeling”.

I didn’t know if it was a good thing or a bad thing to do. I remember watching movies as a kid, how intrigued I was by the scenes of people kissing and touching one another. Somehow I put two and two together and realized that they were experiencing the same euphoria that I was when I engaged in this intimate self-touch.

However I also discovered that this was something seen as taboo, and I witnessed others be shamed by it in the media. Clearly I was a child who watched too much television (not to mention rated R films but oh well).

I remember standing in the kitchen of one of the many childhood apartments I resided in, and crying in front of my mother, confessing to her that I was engaging in something terrible with myself. As if it were some sort of crime I had committed. Thankfully, I have the greatest mother in the entire universe, who assured me that what I was doing was completely natural.

That my body was just experiencing something, and that it was completely fine to engage in by myself. She didn’t provide much further information on the subject, but she reminded me that it was okay and that I didn’t need to feel shameful. Her only advice was that I strictly did it at home in a safe space, and only when I was by myself. She also greatly educated me on sexual predators and encouraged me to never let anyone else take advantage of this sacred part of me.

Not only was I relieved, but I was endlessly curious and a bit obsessed with this sensational discovery. My relationship with self-pleasure grew the older I became. It wasn’t until I was bordering my teen years that I experienced sexual shame. This was an incredibly difficult feeling to digest as a minor. I didn’t understand what was wrong with being sexual, because I linked it to pleasure and feeling good in your body. It wasn’t until middle school that I learned of the many issues surrounding sex from harassment, assault, and the deep rooted shame that inhibits us. I spent the rest of my teen years being very closed off.

I kept my highly sexual energy in the closet as if it were my biggest secret. Outwardly, I acted as if it wasn’t an issue. That my pulling away from physical intimacy wasn’t a bother, but honestly this was a very pivotal moment in my life, and was deeply linked to my depression. Disconnecting from this part felt like I was disconnecting from myself and from my body. It was a personal heartbreak, one I tried to hide but its effect rippled into multiple aspects of my life.

There were various pros, I feel if I had been as sexually heightened throughout high school I may have had more unpleasant experiences with others than I would’ve liked but still. This wasn’t a tragedy because I felt unable to be intimate with others, it was a tragedy because I couldn’t be intimate with myself. Luckily, I had been in therapy since the age of ten and had a therapist who I’m still good friends with to this day. But it didn’t matter, the wall I had built around myself was too tough. I didn’t know how to break free from my own barriers.

I will say, the story started to get better when I decided to love myself regardless of how others viewed me, and more specifically, despite how negatively I may have viewed myself. There was something inside of me that didn’t seem to want to give up.

I had this echo that was determined to get better, to come home to myself.

Almost as if the self-love I had uncovered within my physical being was still lingering inside of me. She had gone from a loud roar to a whisper, but spiritually she was still a strong entity within me.

So at the age of fifteen, I committed to loving myself no matter how hard it was. I did A LOT of work in therapy which nearly kicked my ass emotionally. By seventeen, I could confidently look at myself in the mirror and say I loved who I was. But there was still work to do, the journey wasn’t over. I had learned how to make peace with who I was psychologically but my body was still feeling out of place. By the end of that school year, I jumped on a plane with my sister and spent the summer in London, England. The place I had aspired to become an artist and joined the world of photography. Although I may not have been channeling my energy sexually, I was channeling it creatively, which energetically speaking is one of the same.

Photography became codependent for a while, seeking the gratification of external validation because I still harbored a strong inability to give it to myself.

Then, at the age of twenty I discovered boudoir. One of my greatest loves of art. I was hooked, I felt like this was the thing. I realize now that in the beginning my deep love for helping others connect with their sensuality was due to my inability to connect with my own.

So, as I was nearing the age of twenty-one, going through yet another short-term failed relationship due to my incredibly strong intimacy issues, I couldn’t hide anymore. I couldn’t use my art as a band-aid or a distraction. That whisper was turning back into a roar, and I couldn’t ignore her anymore. She was going to break free one way or another despite my ridiculous reservations. So alas I departed from the identity I had forged with my photography and decided to take a hiatus (a three year one, mind you). I went completely off the grid, deleted my website, multiple social medias and made my focus be strictly on myself. This was the summer of 2018, when I discovered Sensualism and fell in love with my body all over again. It took healing deep rooted wounds from my childhood and facing my greatest fear: myself.

I read the book ‘Pussy: A Reclamation’ by Regena Thomashauer and my life was changed. This book catapulted me back into my sensuous nature. Like a spark had reignited.

For the first time in years, I felt entirely like myself.

I spent that summer, honestly the next year being completely devoted to self pleasure in a multitude of ways, ridding myself of anything or anyone who got in the way of it. I lost 15 pounds, grew out my hair, started wearing tight-fitted dresses– something I never would’ve worn prior because they felt too revealing. Now tight fitting clothing is all that I wear. I put myself out there, started dating, got into fashion and makeup, and started modeling. I spent more time in front of the lens than I did behind it which felt completely alien.

I was a new person.

I felt like the version of myself that was hiding beneath the surface.

A friend once said, “when we met it was like you had a fire inside of you and you were stifling it”.

By accepting my pleasure, I accepted my true self.

I accepted my femininity, what makes me a woman and connects me to this body.

It took being shattered to be reborn,

Heartbreak tore down my walls, and revealed me to the woman buried beneath them.

The rest is history.

The last seven years have been the most beautiful, and with each passing year I feel closer to myself, not farther. I’m in love with the woman I’ve become, and who I continue to grow into. My adolescence had darkness, but it carried me to the brightest light.

Sensuality is who I am.

Vulnerability creates room for Intimacy.

Intimacy unlocks the luminous of Sexuality.

Sexuality ties me to myself.

And with the conclusion of this story, I’ll get to the point of it. To the juicy stuff.

My brand new, most intimate offering..

Self Sensuous 🌹

This package is the most sacred offering I could give you. It is one that can only be given through continuous trust and communication with my clients.

These sessions are for those wanting to dive deeper into their vulnerability,

Learning to negate shame by embracing their sexuality through visual art. These are intended for those wanting a creative documentation of their self-intimacy. These sessions showcase the work you’ve done on an individual level and are the ultimate representation of your self love and connectedness to your sensual and sexual nature.

Why does this interest me, you ask?

For years I’ve admired art found in the erotic, but I’ve always been incredibly disappointed with the representation of sex in the mainstream. For both women and men. In entertainment for example, the bulk of it has been strictly performative and non-authentic. Which is fair, emphasis on the word “entertainment”.

I have zero interest in creating pornography. That’s not what this is.

My desire is to create something beautiful that is strictly for you.

To create captures of moments of self-connection through genuine self-pleasure. Moments for you to look back on, and to remember what your sexuality means to you.

I am a woman who’s incredibly proud of her sexuality, and my heart breaks when I hear women’s stories sharing how they've felt disconnected all their lives or like their sexuality isn’t theirs. It hurts me, because I empathize. I remember the teenage girl who felt out of her body and like her sexuality was something to be ashamed of.

All I yearn for is to share this feeling of self admiration.

We deserve to feel good in our bodies, and good in our pleasure.

We deserve to feel beautiful, and to love the exploration of ourselves.

The Self Sensuous sessions are sacred, and their purpose is to witness the beauty of eroticism by having the courage to embrace your own.

🌹